As I was about to nibble the sacred cheese of life...

About an hour ago, I got out of my last class of the semester. It's such a liberating feeling to know that I'm almost done with school for the semester, and that all that stands between me and summer are a few exams. I mean, I have a bunch of stuff that I need to do this summer, but I can more or less do it on my own time. I won't have a bunch of deadlines looming over me at all times like I do during the semester. I'm DONE.

I also just got done watching this Hank Green video about paths to attaining immortality. My favorite is the one about travelling at the speed of light.

But really, it kind of makes me wonder: if I had a way to attain physical immortality, would I take it? I mean, I have my faith, which gives me spiritual immortality. However much faith I have, though, there's still that very human side of me that fears death. I think it's the fact that death is such an unknown that scares me; even though I have faith in what will come after death, there are still those questions. What does it feel like to die? What is going through a person's head when they know they're about to die? Fear? Peace? But to have physical immortality--would that really be worth it?

My fear tells me yes. It tells me that I'd rather have the same kind of human life that I have now. It tells me that death is the end, a destination to be avoided at all costs.

But other parts of me say something different. My faith tells me that what awaits me after death is far superior to what I could ever have in the life I live now; that in my humanity I can't see everything there is to see, can't even fully experience the things that I can see. And isn't that part of what makes our human lives what they are? The sense that we don't--and probably can't--know everything there is to know? The feeling of awe at the mysteries that humanity just can't seem to figure out, no matter how hard we all try? The knowledge that the days we have on Earth are few, and should be used in the best way possible? If people could physically live forever, these things would seem somehow meaningless. Instead of being beautiful, life would be more of a chore. It would just be never ending toil.

Sometimes I wonder if my youth is what makes me feel like I'd want to live forever. Right now, life is pretty easy. It's not perfect, but I haven't lived long enough to be worn out from many years of the work involved in life--jobs, relationships, raising a family, dealing with deaths and tragedies which are unavoidable in life. Sometimes I wonder if people who have lived long lives are actually just ready for all the work and heartache to be over. As many beautiful and wonderful things as there are in life, it's just so hard sometimes.

This all just makes me realize how much I need God. I need Him because without the grace He's given me through Jesus, I would be a mess. Without knowing that when my body dies it isn't the end for me, I would go crazy with the uncertainty of what will happen to me afterward. So I guess that even though my human fear of death makes me think that physical immortality is something very desireable, there's also a part of me that is stronger than death itself (the JESUS part!) that tells me that a short life is better. It is better, more natural, to live a godly life and to die and go to rest in the presence of God than to live forever, with no rest from the troubles that earthly life inevitably brings.

And now, after that seriousness, I'll end with something a little bit more light-hearted.

Lemony Snicket Quote of the Day

"As I'm sure you know, the key to good evesdropping is not getting caught"

numero uno.

It's a really bad idea for me to start a blog right now, because it's nearing finals week and I should be studying and writing the three 8-10 page papers that I have due within a week or so. I guess one of the many things I've learned in college is that I'm really good at procrastinating for as long as possible and then doing things at the last second. But I suppose that's probably true of a lot of college students.

Anyways, I have decided to embark upon the journey of keeping a blog and writing in it regularly. I have a confession to make...I actually have had several blogs in the past and deleted them or neglected them because I decided that I didn't really like the stuff I wrote in them anymore but didn't want to delete all the posts and start over. But this time, I'm going to try really hard to commit and to actually write things that are mildly interesting. I can't make any promises about the interesting part, but I'll give it my best!

So I guess since this is the first post on this blog, I'll introduce myself a little bit :) My name is Ashley, I'm 20 years old (21 on June 26th!). I'm currently a junior in college studying English Lit. as well as TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). I live in the Midwest, so a huge part of my life has been snow-filled and freezing cold.

I've seen other bloggers doing a thing called BEDA (Blog Every Day in April)...and I'm sad that I started my blog too late to jump on that bandwagon. I don't usually like jumping on bandwagons, but that could have been an interesting challenge. Oh well, there's always August! (I just found out today that Maureen Johnson isn't doing it until August, anyways. So I'm kind of okay with it.)

For now, I'll leave you with a quote out of Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid, a Lemony Snicket book I recently bought (and am thoroughly enjoying):

"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of 'systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-suceptible sister,' which is easier done than said."