I Am Broken.

For a man's ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. (Proverbs 5:21)

My ways are in full view of the Lord. I don't usually want to accept this truth, but that's just what it is--the truth. I'm the kind of person who wants to hide my flaws and the scars of my past. I don't want to let other people see that my family isn't perfect or that sometimes I get angry or jealous over stupid things. I want to pretend that I have my life together. A lot of the time, I don't want the Lord--or anyone else--to see what's really going on in my heart. But the Lord can see it. And He wants me to let other people see it, too.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. (2 Corinthians 4:7)

If I don't acknowledge my imperfection and the brokenness of my life, I won't be able to glorify God. He designed me so that His love and His power would become abundantly apparent because of my brokenness. Not even in spite of my brokenness. Because of my brokenness. I am fragile, like a jar of clay--and I have been, am, and will be broken. 

My pastor gave a great illustration of how this works at church today. He held up an intact clay flower pot and shined a flashlight into it. The clay pot was not broken at all--not even a little crack or hole anywhere. The light was inside of it, but no one could see it. Then he set the flashlight down and smashed the clay pot into many pieces. Then he picked up the flashlight and what was left of the pot, held the flashlight up behind the broken pieces, and turned it on. The light was unmissable. No one would be able to look at that pot and not see the light behind it. 

I am that clay pot. If I pretend I have no family problems, no emotional baggage, no scars that have carried over from my past--no "cracks", no one will be able to see that any joy, any fullness, any togetherness I have in my life is from God. It's as if I'm pretending that I can handle life on my own. But if I let my broken pieces show, then the world will not be able to miss God in me. No one will be able to look at me and say that I am strong on my own or joyful on my own. They'll have no choice but to recognize that I myself and fragile and broken into pieces like a clay pot, but that my joy, my strength, and my light are from a higher source.

But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house; in reverence will I bow down toward your holy  temple. (Psalm 5:7)

I am broken into pieces. I am sinful. I can't seem to do anything right. But God has accepted me into His house and family. He has done more than that, even; He has sent someone as sinful and stubborn as me on his holy mission to share the good news of His love and mercy with everyone I possibly can. And to do so, I must be willing to show others that I, too, am broken.