Taiwan Journal 8.26.2011

I was reading some of my journals that I wrote when I was in Taiwan over the summer, and I just wanted to share some of the stuff I said. It just makes my heart happy to read what I thought about Taiwan while I was there :) So here's what I wrote on August 26, 2011:

Jeremiah 10:6-7 "No one is like you, oh Lord. You are great, and your name is mighty in power. Who should not revere you, oh King of the nations? This is your due. Among all the wise men of the nations, and in all their kingdoms, there is no one like you."

We only have tomorrow left in Taiwan. I honestly feel like we just got here. I have seriously loved almost every minute of my time here. I think God has really confirmed for me how much I love the Taiwanese people, and how desperately they need Him. My heart is so heavy at having to leave these people. I have serious intentions of coming back as soon as I can. I just have a feeling I can't go back to how I was before I came here. I really feel like a different person now in some ways. Experiencing other cultures has opened my eyes. Having personal relationships with people here has really opened my heart to them. These people are so loving and kind and hospitable, and I can feel God's love for them.

I can't say that I'm 100% sure about my decision to pursue moving to Taiwan, but reading this journal entry and others like it has just made me realize the love God has placed in my heart for the friends I have in Taiwan. I was only there for a month but even now, almost a year later, I still miss those friends so much every time I think about them or look at pictures from my time with them. It's definitely not a love I could conjure up on my own. It's awesome how the love God puts in my heart is so wonderfully illogical <3

So here's to taking a step of faith and trusting that God will be ahead of me and behind me and beside me every step of the way!

Every Good Thing

In Philemon, Paul says: "I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ."

Every year for the past four years, I have spent spring break in Panama City Beach, Florida talking to people on the beaches about spiritual things. Every year, God shows up in powerful ways in my life and in the lives of people out on the beaches. This year was no exception. 

To be completely honest, though, I was feeling more than a little discouraged when I got there last Sunday. My frustration was definitely for ridiculous reasons...I'm a pretty emotional person, which is something I have to struggle with, and Satan definitely knows what to tell me to make me feel as insecure as possible. And in the spirit of complete honesty, I would have to say even now that all is said and done that this year was not, socially speaking, the most fun week I've had there. I had certain expectations of how things should be, and God totally disregarded them. (How dare he disregard my plans, right?)

In the moments where I felt the most frustrated and the most insecure, however, I could feel God reminding me that the important thing was Him and reaching people with His love and His gospel. I realized that I needed to refocus on the real mission I was on. And you know what? I still had an amazing time, because it is so good to be doing God's will, regardless of other circumstances that aren't exactly what I want them to be. I still struggled with some emotional ups and downs throughout the week, but I realized how true it is that by sharing my faith I have a fuller understanding of every good thing I have in Christ. Unless I come face to face with what life is like without God, it's hard to really understand how much better life is with God. It's easy for me to get stuck in a little Christian bubble where we sit around and discuss how God is working in our lives, forgetting to remember and failing to care about those who don't yet have what we have. Only when I step back and look at what's happening outside of the little pseudo-Eden that I've created by surrounding myself with only Christian friends do I realize the power of God for transforming lives and the incredible gift that I am hording by not being active in sharing my faith.

So God has put the same prayer on my heart as he put on Paul's heart so long ago...I, too, pray that you (and I) would be active in sharing our faith, because it brings a new level of understanding of all the incredible things we have in Christ and because there is no greater joy than to bring those same gifts to  other people who, like us, are in desperate need of our Savior.  

1 Corinthians 13:1-7

Here's a thought: God is love. Actually, it's more than a thought. It's truth. Read 1 John 4:8 if you don't believe me.

I read 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 recently. Probably for the millionth time. And really, who hasn't at least heard this stuff at weddings? But guess what? Turns out the Bible is the living and active word of God (Hebrews 4:12). Even though I've heard it over and over and over, it can still speak to me in new ways. One of my favorite experiences is when I think I've learned everything there is to learn about a part of scripture, and then God shows me how wrong I am.

So anyways, as I was reading it, I had a thought: if God IS love, and love is all of the things listed in 1 Corinthians 13, then this gives us another little picture of part of God's character.

According to this passage, love is patient, kind, rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...and as if that weren't enough, it never fails. True love does not commit the sins of envy, boastfulness, arrogance, rudeness, selfishness, irritableness, rudeness, or rejoicing in wrongdoing. So since God is love, then it follows that God has all of these qualities. How awesome is it that even though we fail so often at exhibiting these characteristics of God, He never has and never will?

I decided that it's my goal to memorize this chapter. It's important to know what it means to truly love others. After all...faith, hope, and love remain. "But the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Someone once told me that to find out how well you're loving others, you can take 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 and replace "love" with your name and then evaluate how true those statements are of yourself. You're not done growing in your ability to love until you never fail to be all of these things.

The Cost of Following

"...immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him." (Matthew 4:22)

When Jesus called James and John, they dropped everything they had going on in their lives and followed him. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the future and what God may have in store for me. After being in Taiwan, I really feel like that's a possible place that God may call me. While I don't know for sure if that's where I'll end up and I don't want to focus too much on the future, I feel like I need to consider what the cost would be for me to follow that calling (if that is, in fact, where God wants me).

I love Taiwan. A lot. I love how hospitable the people are, how bustling the city is, and how beautiful and breathtaking the mountains are. I would absolutely love to live there someday. I even have a fair number of friends there that I miss so much and would love love love to see again as soon as possible.

But then I think about how many things I wouldn't be around for at home. I'm sure I'd miss weddings, births of babies, funerals, etc. Aside from those big things, Facebook would no doubt remind me that all of my friends here are together, doing things without me. Life would still go on for everyone here, minus me.

I guess the possible costs of following Christ have never been as real to me as they feel right now. The fact that I'm considering moving overseas in just under a year is really exciting and scary. I know that we, as believers, will have to make sacrifices in order to follow Christ, but that doesn't mean it's easy to make them.

The question I'm still dealing with is this: When Jesus calls will I, like James and John, be willing to leave behind everything familiar and comfortable to follow?

Obesession.

I think I'm going to get really annoying to everyone pretty soon (if I haven't already). All I can think about or talk about or post facebook statuses about is Taiwan. It consumes at least 80% of my thoughts. I miss it so much. For the first few days home, I spent most of my time sleeping or being so tired that I didn't really think or care about anything.

Now that I'm starting to have to live real life at home again, it's really really hitting me how much my experiences in Taipei mean to me. There are so many people there that I would basically give my left arm to see again right now. Everyone there was so kind to me and I met so many new people that I really love...it's just hard for me to think about not seeing them again for at least a year, if ever. I mean, right now I have every intention of going back to Taiwan at some point, even if I don't end up living there. But the exciting and scary thing about life is that you just never know what will happen.

I know that the trip I was on isn't necessarily a picture of what it would be like to live there for an extended period of time. It was fun being a tourist and visiting things like Taipei 101, but what I really miss are the everyday sights and sounds of the city. I miss waking up and going to Ed's Cafe for breakfast every morning. I miss the convenience stores where I can buy milk tea while surrounded by the smell of tea eggs (I'm not saying I like the smell, but I got used to it and it's weird that it's not there now). I miss the liveliness of the city...the masses of people everywhere, and how all those people have learned to live together pretty peacefully. I miss walking into a store and hearing five Lady Gaga songs in a row. I miss sqeezing onto an almost-full subway car. I miss my students. I miss tofu that acutally tastes good (I mean, I can try to cook tofu myself all I want but it's just not the same...). I miss dodging scooters every time I cross the street. I miss night markets. I miss being able to find really good tea basically anywhere. I just miss the everyday living parts of Taipei.

I have some serious thinking and praying to do right now. On one hand, I know that I really love Taipei and there are tons of people there that I love SO much...but on the other hand, it would be really really hard to move to Taipei knowing I'm not coming back home in just a few weeks. There are things and people here that I would miss too...

I think that's the hardest thing about life for me...I can't move on to something new without having to say some really hard goodbyes...

So on that note, I have to go pack because I'm moving back to River Falls today. I guess life just keeps on going even if I'm not ready for it, huh?

I was really bad about updating any blogs at all while I was in Taiwan, but I just want to get my thoughts out now that I'm home. I obviously can't recap everything that I did while in Taiwan, but there are a few major things that I just need to process.

God has been so faithful to me this summer. At the end of the school year, I was very depressed and my faith was so weak and I just felt purposeless and directionless. I was confused and scared about so many things, and I don't think I talked to anyone about it nearly enough. I just kind of kept things to myself for the most part and crawled into my own little shell of hopelessness. This is definitely not the way God wants me to live, but I just didn't know what else to do.

Going to Taiwan was the best thing that I could have done. I had so many experiences and formed/strengthened so many relationships and it was just really wonderful. It was just what I needed. My life had become a long road of just waiting for something. Waiting to find direction. Waiting to feel like I'm really living. Just waiting. I know God sometimes calls us to wait for Him, but it gets really hard after a while. Now that I'm back, I really think going to Taiwan is what God wanted for me. He really confirmed some things for me through it.

First, that I have a deep love for Taiwan and the people there. I can't explain it, it's just there. I guess that's how God usually works though, huh? Even a year and a half ago, I would never ever ever in a trillion years guessed that God would plant a love in my heart for this little island thousands of miles from everything I know. And that this little island would feel like home to me in a lot of ways, even in only a few weeks of being there. There are so many people there that I love SO much that I feel like my heart is going to burst. It's amazing what God can do in such a short time.

Second, that I have at least an idea of a direction my life could take. I know I want Taiwan to be involved somehow. I don't know if that means moving there or something else, but I know that I love Taiwan and Taiwanese people way too much for them not to be part of my life somehow. I am really considering moving to Taiwan when I graduate. So many things in my life add up to mean that would be a good idea. I have some praying and thinking to do about it and I don't know where I will be a year from now, but it's a possibility.  

Third, that teaching really is something I could do--and enjoy. I guess before I just didn't have the confidence to think that I could be good at it. I know I still have a lot of learning to do about how to be a good teacher, but I really think I can do it now. Having my class and getting to know my students was just so great that I know it's something I would enjoy doing when I graduate.

There are so many more things I could say about Taiwan because this experience means SO MUCH to me, but these are the things that have been on my mind since I got on the plane home. And for anyone who will see me regularly (or worse yet...live with me)...get ready to hear about Taiwan more than you ever wanted to, because I just CAN'T stop talking about it and thinking about it. :-D

What I've been taught

I was browsing YouTube tonight and came across this Francis Chan video, and I really started thinking about some things.

Where exactly have I gotten my beliefs, really? Sure, I read the Bible. But there are so many cultural influences battling for my attention--and that includes Christian culture. Especially Christian culture. If I'm being completely honest, I've been told what to believe about a lot of things and just accepted it. That's not to say I can't learn from people who are older and wiser than I am, but I think I've put too much trust in people like pastors. They may be wise, but they're not God.

Not only have I been fed certain beliefs (and accepted them far too easily), but there are different ways of interpreting scripture and I even feel like my interpretations have been influenced by things other than God.

I've accepted too much of what I've been told and haven't studied things for myself enough. I've allowed pastors and teachers and family and friends to feed me information without me investigating it on my own. Maybe those people are telling me the truth. But the point is, am I willing to accept the word of other humans as the final word in my life? Not really. This is ETERNITY we're talking about. It's not something I (or anyone else) should be willing to risk. I want to be as sure as I can possibly be. The heaviness of that has really been on my mind lately.

I have been realizing lately that I need to take a fresh look at a lot of the things I've been told to believe. I've been finding it extremely difficult to have very strong faith lately, and I think it's because I haven't struggled with a lot of things for myself and I need to. I need to struggle with questions and doubts...to pray and study rather than just accepting what others tell me, no matter how much I trust them.


I really like what Francis Chan says about being on an island and having no influences other than the Bible and God. That's what I want to find out. If I don't accept anything as truth except what's actually in the Bible, what will I believe? It's time for me to find out.