Obesession.

I think I'm going to get really annoying to everyone pretty soon (if I haven't already). All I can think about or talk about or post facebook statuses about is Taiwan. It consumes at least 80% of my thoughts. I miss it so much. For the first few days home, I spent most of my time sleeping or being so tired that I didn't really think or care about anything.

Now that I'm starting to have to live real life at home again, it's really really hitting me how much my experiences in Taipei mean to me. There are so many people there that I would basically give my left arm to see again right now. Everyone there was so kind to me and I met so many new people that I really love...it's just hard for me to think about not seeing them again for at least a year, if ever. I mean, right now I have every intention of going back to Taiwan at some point, even if I don't end up living there. But the exciting and scary thing about life is that you just never know what will happen.

I know that the trip I was on isn't necessarily a picture of what it would be like to live there for an extended period of time. It was fun being a tourist and visiting things like Taipei 101, but what I really miss are the everyday sights and sounds of the city. I miss waking up and going to Ed's Cafe for breakfast every morning. I miss the convenience stores where I can buy milk tea while surrounded by the smell of tea eggs (I'm not saying I like the smell, but I got used to it and it's weird that it's not there now). I miss the liveliness of the city...the masses of people everywhere, and how all those people have learned to live together pretty peacefully. I miss walking into a store and hearing five Lady Gaga songs in a row. I miss sqeezing onto an almost-full subway car. I miss my students. I miss tofu that acutally tastes good (I mean, I can try to cook tofu myself all I want but it's just not the same...). I miss dodging scooters every time I cross the street. I miss night markets. I miss being able to find really good tea basically anywhere. I just miss the everyday living parts of Taipei.

I have some serious thinking and praying to do right now. On one hand, I know that I really love Taipei and there are tons of people there that I love SO much...but on the other hand, it would be really really hard to move to Taipei knowing I'm not coming back home in just a few weeks. There are things and people here that I would miss too...

I think that's the hardest thing about life for me...I can't move on to something new without having to say some really hard goodbyes...

So on that note, I have to go pack because I'm moving back to River Falls today. I guess life just keeps on going even if I'm not ready for it, huh?

I was really bad about updating any blogs at all while I was in Taiwan, but I just want to get my thoughts out now that I'm home. I obviously can't recap everything that I did while in Taiwan, but there are a few major things that I just need to process.

God has been so faithful to me this summer. At the end of the school year, I was very depressed and my faith was so weak and I just felt purposeless and directionless. I was confused and scared about so many things, and I don't think I talked to anyone about it nearly enough. I just kind of kept things to myself for the most part and crawled into my own little shell of hopelessness. This is definitely not the way God wants me to live, but I just didn't know what else to do.

Going to Taiwan was the best thing that I could have done. I had so many experiences and formed/strengthened so many relationships and it was just really wonderful. It was just what I needed. My life had become a long road of just waiting for something. Waiting to find direction. Waiting to feel like I'm really living. Just waiting. I know God sometimes calls us to wait for Him, but it gets really hard after a while. Now that I'm back, I really think going to Taiwan is what God wanted for me. He really confirmed some things for me through it.

First, that I have a deep love for Taiwan and the people there. I can't explain it, it's just there. I guess that's how God usually works though, huh? Even a year and a half ago, I would never ever ever in a trillion years guessed that God would plant a love in my heart for this little island thousands of miles from everything I know. And that this little island would feel like home to me in a lot of ways, even in only a few weeks of being there. There are so many people there that I love SO much that I feel like my heart is going to burst. It's amazing what God can do in such a short time.

Second, that I have at least an idea of a direction my life could take. I know I want Taiwan to be involved somehow. I don't know if that means moving there or something else, but I know that I love Taiwan and Taiwanese people way too much for them not to be part of my life somehow. I am really considering moving to Taiwan when I graduate. So many things in my life add up to mean that would be a good idea. I have some praying and thinking to do about it and I don't know where I will be a year from now, but it's a possibility.  

Third, that teaching really is something I could do--and enjoy. I guess before I just didn't have the confidence to think that I could be good at it. I know I still have a lot of learning to do about how to be a good teacher, but I really think I can do it now. Having my class and getting to know my students was just so great that I know it's something I would enjoy doing when I graduate.

There are so many more things I could say about Taiwan because this experience means SO MUCH to me, but these are the things that have been on my mind since I got on the plane home. And for anyone who will see me regularly (or worse yet...live with me)...get ready to hear about Taiwan more than you ever wanted to, because I just CAN'T stop talking about it and thinking about it. :-D